Hi All-
I have a question about one of our favorite topics- drugs.
The fiancé smokes pot every week, multiple times a week. When I am with him, he asks if I want to smoke (which I usually do not) as a way for him to be able to smoke. I am concerned that once we’re married, he’ll become a pothead that I’ll have to deal with.
The facts:
He has a job.
He suffered a severe back injury causing great pain.
He claims the pot is for pain management, coupled with occasional recreational use.
My concern:
I believe that the pot does help with the pain.
I believe that he does not yet have a problem.
HOWEVER, he smokes a lot, does not seem to want to reduce or cut out smoking, and to me has the potential to use pot every day all day (as he did in the past). He has even asked me not to get “frustrated” at this or to question his behavior.
I don’t want to be a “B” about it as everyone has a right to relax a bit. But, now he will smoke even when I don’t; he’ll be high when I’m not…and this is not what I want in a relationship. Most importantly, I do not want to be involved or married to a pothead who is high as often as he is, and put my children at risk.
Thoughts?
Pothead Fiance- How Much Is Too Much???
February 10th, 2010 by small business management consultant Leave a reply »
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Most people I know who smoke pot regularly become irresponsible and untrustworthy. They don’t view the future realistically, but think everything will work out according to their hopes and dreams. I’d drop this guy if I were you.
I’m married, my husband smokes pot when he gets up,for breakfast,lunch ,dinner,snack,midnight snack,then it starts over the next day. I found out that he started snorting powder. People say that when one drug stops working they go to something stronger. I’m not saying that is gonna happen in your case I’m just saying be careful. You don’t want him to keep using his pain as an excuse to smoke pot.
If you don’t want a pot-head for a husband, don’t marry this guy. After you marry him you will kick yourself for ‘hoping’ he will not smoke when in fact he was already smoking it. Can you imagine needing milk for your child by this jerk and watching that money going up in smoke….Stay single until you find someone you can live with; forget this loser.
As far as pain, that is what pain meds from the doc are for or he can take 2 aspirin and call the doctor in the morning.
Do you really want to risk living married life alone because he’s really not there, when he’s there, or you’re having to visit him in prison when he gets caught?
Wait for a man who really cares about you. Read your last paragraph and follow your own good advice.
One thing to keep in mind when thinking about marrying someone: don’t expect to change a person after you marry them. If you aren’t happy with the person now, don’t get married. If you are content to live out the rest of your life with a pothead, then go ahead and get married.
Personally, i would never get married to someone that breaks the law and brings crime into my house without respect for me or the consequences it could cause me or my future family.
this is all i hear ‘I ,I , I , I , I’
he is a pot smoker
yes pot does help with pain
that is why when Cancer patients Aid patients or patients with chronic illness have pain so bad Doctors prescribe them pot
i think you are so caught up in what you want and
you think he will or should change for you
you can not make any one change
if he wants to he will if not get over it or find some one else
Looks like you already know the answer: “this is not what I want in a relationship” – your words. If you’re going into a marriage feeling that some fundamental things need to change right away, you will be very disappointed. It seems like you have a realistic view of your fiancé’s habit, and it seems like this isn’t something you’re willing to tolerate long-term. I think, your question is in essence asking if we think he would change. I’ll have to guess he won’t change – at least at the moment, he has no intention to change anything, and I would not be betting on the change in the future. You see him like he is; can you accept the way he chooses to live his life? If you know you cannot accept it, let him know a.s.a.p. what your deal-breakers are, and stick to it. Perhaps he’s not such a great match for you.
You are right to be concerned, and it sounds like he already IS a pothead you have to deal with. Also, you have to ask if he is the rolemodel of a father figure you will want for your children.
As to everyone having the right to ‘relax a bit,’ very few places in the states give you the right to relax in that way, even for pain managment. Besides, it sounds like this is more for recreation than for pain.
Without wanting to ‘harsh his buzz,’ I’m sure you can do better.
Hard one to answer here. I use to smoke pot but never really got addicted. It never took me to harder drugs either, like the bad rap on it is. However I wasn’t using pot as a crutch either. I think people who use drugs as a crutch have a much harder time stopping. This could be a long hard road for you. There is a very good chance here that he will continue and possibly get worse. Be very careful.
look sweetie.. if it helps him subside the pain i guess it’s alright but not multiplie times a week.. he could get cancer and it could do alot of things to his mind.. if i were you and i loved him too death do us part i help him as much as i can not encourage him,,, it’s the best thing to do
I think this is going nowhere.
Tell him it’s you or the dope.
I used to do it a lot too, but you don’t need him as a role model for your kids.
I totally agree with you. You need to give him an ultimatum. If he doesn’t quit then you are leaving. You do NOT want this in a marriage. It just causes too many problems.
He does indeed have a problem with pot, hon. At this point in our country’s history, growing it and having any large amount of it in your possession is illegal, whether or not that is a good idea or not. It appears that most people while under its influence are not very good drivers, for example, leaving him open to big law suits in the event of an automobile accident….. It is as well, as harmful to the lungs as any cigarette, leaving himself open for Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) and lung cancer. It is what is regarded as an “insult” to the lungs. That our government regards it as illegal, and lumps it together with heroin, crack, meth and the rest of it is somewhat unfortunate….. thank J. Edgar Hoover for that.
Personally? I find a smoker of anything repulsive…. the smell is enough to make me vomit.
From your posting here, he is going after the stuff that has been hybridized…. the THC being rather much higher than the natural plant… As well, addicts tend to become addicts of other things….. alcohol, computer porn, gambling, and so on. And addicts are just not available for relationships…. they are already in one, it just isn’t with you, nor will it ever be, nor with anyone else for very long…. Even AA will tell you that their cure rate is less than 20%, and 20% is an F in school, and an F in life. Since most companies test for drugs, he could easily loose his job, leaving you the main bread winner. Are you ready for that? As well as being number two in the guy’s life????
Something to think about…..
I think you answered your own question in the last couple of sentences. He IS a pothead and WILL NOT stop. At least you see that.
Also, what he is doing is illegal and YOU could be arrested just as well as he can. I would almost bet that if he had pot in the car, and you were with him, and you got stopped by the police, HE would say it was YOURS!!! Beleive me I know, I have seen it.
I wouldn’t ask of him to quit all together because then he’ll probably just do it behind your back. If you have kids they shouldn’t be around it period. I tend to smoke when I get off work to relax…just a bowl a day which I think isn’t too much. The pain issue is touchy because what is the lesser of two evils, pot or prescription drugs. I would try to talk him into cutting back because it does make you lazy and overeat, things that can put a strain on a marriage.
marijuana is prescribed by Dr. for the management of severe pain like cancer, aids, but not back pain, he’s pulling your leg. Their are other pain meds. for that type of pain, he’s a pot head plain and simple, get rid of him before he convinces you to become a user also, it will only lead to stronger drug use in the future.
He’s not going to quit smoking pot, first of all.
Second, although pot may help with the pain there are other medications that can help without making your boyfriend stupid (Aleve, aspirin, prescriptions, etc.), and he may need to see a chiropractor.
Third, you have to decide whether or not you want to have a life with a pothead. If you choose to get married, you cannot get upset with him and you cannot expect him to change.
That alone sounds like TOO MUCH for me. My husband has back problems and is in pain and he doesn’t do drugs to help him through. Sounds like a dumb excuse. I wouldn’t EVEN take a chance with him being around my children. I would not risk losing my children to the Child Protection Service for a drug addict. Sorry, that is just my personal opinion.
well all I can say is… I never heard of anyone dying of a “pot overdose”, has anyone else????
I’m sorry, but even if you love him, get rid of him. Chances are, he’s one of the potheads who’ll kill if they’re taken away from it. Your childern are at major risk here, and if the cops found out that you’ve been married to a pot head and you knew about it, when he gets caught, your going down with him. You love him, but leave him.
Dump him!
He is a pot head, and yes he already has a problem.
You are actually thinking about having kids with this guy?
Do you really think he is going to hold a job?
Can he pass a drug test to get another job when he loses the one he has now?
Did you really have to ask this question?
Despite popular belief, there are allot of nice guys out there. Go find one!
wow very long… well pot is a presciption for pain and and other things that docs proscribe. also smoking sics and drinking alcihol is worse then smoking pot.. but i dont like being around mariwana smokers so try to get him to stop cuz it is adictive and a waist of money. try to get he adictived to somthing not damaging … when he wants to smoke try geting frisky with him lol… just be creative and talk to him.
What is the real concern? What is the harm? Just because your not stoned out when he is – your pissed? Well spark it with him then.
If you don’t want to, then don’t. But considering your facts, job, injury & rec use, I mean, come on!
The fact is: his way is not hurting anyone, nor would he hurt your children. If anything, he would just be in a better mood.
I dumped my last boyfriend over pot. I use to refer to his pot as his mistress since he lied, coveted and spent all his money on her…I mean it.
Most people I know who once smoked have all grown out of it. I know a few other people (less than those who’ve quit) who still do and manage to keep it really under control. I know one guy who’s father in-law smoked his whole life and still does, the old man has cancer now, and does nothing but sits around and smokes even now. My friend says it’s pretty sad. For pot not to knock you on your a s s evrytime you smoke, you need to smoke it daily -that puts you at a different place with it. The sad thing about it in a family situation is, is that its a constant condition that needs to be met. If it’s not met, that’s when it sucks for everyone else. The long term affects of pot degrade the quality of life over time. It’s not easy to quit, but can be done. You’re right to have your gaurd up about it. He should try to quit for you and your kids.
I have been in similar situations, I would say there is more CONS than pros to this. Future, stability, security etc.